Transcription:12 Angry Little People
The Beginning sketch starts. We see a group of people participating a trial in a courtroom. Lawyer: You must find my client not guilty! Judge: Ladies and gentlemen, you hold the fate of this young man in your hands... then cut to the jury room. Cowboy foreman: Okay ya'll, the facts in this here case seem clear as a new Ford windshield! a flashback, we see the boy who was in the courtroom earlier and his boss arguing. Cowboy foreman: Now, the kid's boss catches him stealing from the till, well, the kid's gotta shut him up! kid pushes the boss into a car-lift. The kid operates a nearby lever, and the car-lift kills the man. Boss: No, no, NO! boy then proceeds to bury his boss' corpse in a barn, unaware that a farmer was watching... Cowboy foreman: Then, the kid ditches the body. flashback ends, and we are back in the jury room. Black-haired male jury member: Guilty. Red hat wearing male jury member: Guilty. Pink female blonde jury member: Like, totally guilty! Dog jury member: Bark! Cowboy foreman: So, let's just vote this sucker guilty, and hit the bar! Yeehaw! All in favor? Almost everyone: Aye! of the jury agrees with the cowboy's decision, except... Cowboy foreman: All opposed? Jack: Nay! jury all disagree with Jack's decision. Pink female blonde jury member: Bogus! Jack: The witness' testimony was totally unreliable! The Witness are back in the jury room, where the farmer who witnessed the murder is on the stand. Lawyer: Isn't it true that your mother, sister, cousin, and aunt are all the same person? Farmer: [In a dumb-founded tone.] Ah-durr... then see a woman on the stand. Jack: I believe the victim's mistress killed him! Lawyer: Miss Herring, what was the last conversation you had with the deceased? Miss Herring: I told that greasy mechanic if he went back to his wife, I'd kill him! Lawyer: ...and did he go back to his wife? Miss Herring: Yes! Lawyer: ...and did you kill him? Miss Herring: Ye- [Interrupt.] Foreman: Objection! Relevance? Judge: Uh, sustained. flashback ends again, and once again, we are back in the jury room. Male black jury member: [Stuttering and muttering gibberish in a Bill Cosby like manner.] Yeah, then the five-o plant the DNA evidence. You can't trust the police, or talk to the police! Taken my shoe shine buffer; beat me with it! My Lordy! awkward silence ensues. Male black jury member: What? Every black man on the TV gots to be a "posamative" role model? Dog jury member: But, the DNA evidence matched 13 out of 13 SDRs. The defendant's clearly guilty! Jack: [A short silence ensues.] Uhh... You're a fucking dog! Okay, so let's go over this again! [A jury member gets so frustrated, they pound their head on the table multiple times.] [Later...] Jack: ...and that's why we must find that young man not guilty! Cowboy foreman: Fine, fine! How does everyone vote? Everyone: [In a bored manner.] Not guilty... Jack: [Sigh.] The Verdict [We are back in the courtroom.] Judge: Mr. Foreman, your verdict? Cowboy foreman: Not guilty. [The audience gasps.] [We then see Jack outside talking to a news team.] Jack: Justice has been served! It's my belief that the mistress is guilty of this crime! News reporter: What about the fact that Miss Herring was singing the National Anthem at the World Series at the time of the murder? Jack: Uhh... [Laughs nervously.] [We cut to the scene of the murder, where the kid has Miss Herring tied up, and is about to kill her.] Kid: I told you I'd kill any man you loved if you wouldn't love me! Now, I'll kill you, too! Miss Herring: Oh no! Jack: NO! Sorry, pal, but you're one wrong I've just got to right! [Jack and the criminal struggle for a while, but it becomes awkward for them both, since they don't have any limbs.] Jack: I wish I had fists! [Jack pushes the criminal onto the ground, and he falls onto the switch, then he falls into the car-lift with Miss Herring, and the car-lift kills them both. Jack has accidentally become a murderer himself...] Jack: Uh oh... [Jack then appears in court.] Judge: Jack Beckett, you're charged with double homicide. How do you plead? Jack: Not guilty, Your Honor. Cowboy foreman: This is gonna be fun! Yeehaw! [Suddenly, the dog jury member from before bursts through a window in the courtroom, and he's armed with a machine gun!] Man: Oh my God, he's got a gun! Dog jury member: Nobody listened to me before! Jack must die! [The dog then proceeds to shoot everyone inside the court to death.] Announcer: Tune in next time when every dog has its day! [The sketch comes to a close, as the show begins to end as well.] Category:Transcriptions